Two Buddhist Monks go walking

Recently I have been watching how people carry baggage…..not the kind that has your underwear in it but personal baggage and really feel bad for some people. I see people at work carry on about things for days on end, people at Karate that hold grudges and are bitter about things that should not really matter and I have friends that can not let go of issues that come up that seem easy to dismiss from my point of view and it is sad!

I have a rule that if something bothers me for more than one day ….I do something about it. If it bugs me for only one day, then its not that bad and I can just let it go! But if something were to bother me to much that it occupies my time and mind for more than the time it takes me to sleep and wake up…then it warrants action and not preoccupation. My wife is a great example of this and why we get along so well. Like all couples we argue about things, and normally she is right and I am a pig headed Welshman that does not know how to just shut up and agree….but on those odd occurrences when something sits on my mind for a day or so…I go back and discuss it further or simply do something about it. She knows if I revisit an issues the very next day…I was probably right to do so and she listens to me…before saying I am wrong again.

There are few things I resign myself to being right about all the time, I am a human after all and we are not right in most things…like airplanes navigating across the sky we tend to be off our heading more than on our headings…but we work our way to the correct destination after some time.

What bothers me however is when people tend to hold onto baggage and wont relax to find answers. They are bull headed and not open to hearing other peoples side of things. The opposite is also not a great way to walk through life…kind of taking it as it is given to you and not taking a stand ever…but being a baggage handler in life is no help at all to your mental wellbeing…or maybe it’s a reflection of said mental health!

One of my friends has major issues with relationships….be it their love life or family and it all boils down to the fact that they cannot let go of the past. They look at each relationship as having the same outcome, they date the same kinds of people and they hold onto the “FACT” that they know the relationship will fail eventually. Even when they find a good relationship that may in fact continue on for a long time and be very happy, they set it up for a fall and on a few occasions left the relationship for “something better” that turned out to be something “the same or worse”.

This friend of mind is a super nice person and when they meet people in general they tend to see them for what they are, be it good or not so good…but put the idea of a relationship in there and this friend of mine becomes blinded by their baggage. They tend to then start the relationship like two puppy dogs in love! Makes me sick for a few weeks with the “oh, they are the one” and “My life is complete” and that kind of drivel.

The relationship then progresses and the baggage on hand then starts to creep up an the next thing you know the whole thing is one more drama-fest that tumbles out of control because they cannot let go of the baggage and remember that this relationship is DIFFERENT than any other. And the worst part is they then choose to run away from the issues and end up falling into bed with the same kind of person and the whole thing starts over again!

Then there is a person at my work that simply MUST be in control of every situation and buts their nose into everything. Give them a bone to go with and they are happy as a guard dog. The other thing is this person will obsess about things and focus on them even after the issue is settled. Like a steel trap she will grab and issue and until THEY are done with it…it does not become a dropped issue.

This person once approached me after a long week end and brought up an issue I was dealing with on the Thursday to try and assert their thoughts on the issue…which was dealt with long ago! This kind of obsessive behavior may be a trait that some managers like to see, but for me its kind of scary that their whole life revolves around an issue at work. And I just know that the whole week end they were sitting on this baggage at their cottage and unable to really enjoy the week end. They thought about it from sun up to sun down for three whole days and chomped at the bit to get back to work and dive back into the situation.

The end result was they were told its handled…and that was till not good enough for them, they had to go and dig deeper into the situation and draw others into the matter, and the manager taking control of this situation really did not like then or their tactics and let them know that it was not appreciated at all. But the Blood hound still did not drop the baggage!

This kind of obsessive behavior can affect you negatively not just with your mental health but also with relationships at home, at work and friendships as well. Learn to drop it when told or when its suggested that it does not matter in the greater flow of life!

I have also seen people hold a grudge for a very long time. I have to admit that there are people I don’t really like but I try to not hold a grudge for too long. If I feel that someone has done wrong by me and it lasts more than a few days…I try to tell them and get it done with. I know that there are some people I will never get along with for various reasons, but most of them I avoid and don’t have to see or when I do I am just “nice” to them and don’t really care much for their presence.

However, I know of a few people through Karate that cannot put down grudges and often strive for the Drama that comes with speaking ill of others, something I am trying to limit in my life now. One person I know has left Karate and says it’s because of the drama and issues that they witnessed, but I know better. They left because it caused the all mighty DRAMA that they so need in their lives. They cannot live without having something to blame and to complain about and they saw the act of leaving Karate as a way of keeping the Drama going in their life. The ironic part is that this person has left, said they left to avoid the drama and horrible politics that was Karate in their eyes….but they won’t shut up about it and insist on making everyone uncomfortable in the process.

Others that I know also have axes to grind with individuals and won’t let the issues between them go, they insist they are guilt free and will not let it go! But the truth is by them not letting go of the issues and realizing that the bigger picture is more important and that by not being honest and saying they need to “WIN” the argument or situation and or need to be seen as the victim and how important that is to them…well without it they don’t feel whole in this case. When two people have an argument the truth is that there is rarely a situation that one person is without blame in anyway shape or form! Usually the argument occurs when one person does something and the person that then begins the argument simply cannot let the situation alone! Sometimes for good reason, but most of the times its just that someone has an axe to grind or is a nosy person and needs to feel important……or is scared they will be held accountable for the others persons actions.

I now see these situations as just extensions of the Drama tree! Shake it and idiots fall out!

One of my favorite stories was about a guy that had a double amputation and was told he would never run again because he lost his legs from the knee down….he said, “no, I will never run again…except in the Olympics and every track meet I can get myself to”. Sometimes people use illness or handicaps (mental and physical) or situations as crutches. They pile on baggage and feel horrible for themselves and let their particular situation dictate the rest of their lives.

Since my daughter was born my opinion of disabilities and handicaps has changed A LOT! I see them now as being challenges not walls you cannot go over or around. And I see them in shades of Grey a lot more than I used to. I have a few friends that suffer from Depression…not the kind that leads to a country song but the kind that is physically and mentally draining. The kind that affects the way you think and the way you see things.

One of my friends treats this as a challenge! The gets the right meds, goes to his doctor and monitors things, he works on building up his attitude and uses Karate to better his mental outlook, and to be frank…while only knowing him for a few years, he has proven to me that you can do it and I see a lot of pride he takes in handling his condition and he fought back from darker times, he inspires me and he is one of my favorite people to deal with personally.

Another person I know suffers from the same illness and does not manage it properly, in fact it manages them. It affects every relationship they have and sours many people on them. They are moody and they don’t seek the right kinds of help, they lean on the illness like it’s a crutch and use it as an excuse for everything. They have left it for so long and allowed it to affect every relationship they have with others and truthfully not many people can stand being around them. When someone tries to help they recoil like they need the illness to help them live and they allow the drama that comes with this illness to take over their very lives and become addictive to them. They are paranoid and starting to focus on the illness and relationships as being healthy in some ways, they don’t take the right medications and choose to self-destruct in the long run. The amount of things they have lost in their lives, relationships, family, business and the like, because of the illness is shocking! And what’s more shocking is they don’t see it!

The saddest part is that they are a true artist in many ways and if they let go of the baggage and did not allow the illness to run them they would be so much better off. They need to not look at this illness as a crutch or excuse for what is happening and they need to change their outlook to help them cope with life. Getting older and moving forwards in life is a rite of passage and something people need to accept not recoil from and taking care of an illness should not be something one recoils from for fear of losing a crutch!

On a less “life” affecting level I see the baggage that people care in the Dojo every class I teach or attend! Be it the inability to let go of ideas they once learned for new ideas or the inability to let go of mistakes they make…they sink in quicksand made by their wellness to care the baggage that pushes them deeper into the mistake than they need to be!

Our trip through Karate is one of exploration, not placation and assumption of finding an end to the journey. If you are training right, one answer will lead to five more questions and your research and creativity will make your Karate bloom like a flower not be bogged down by dogma and mystical irrelevance. The truth is that Karate and its practice is one of human research and development. Students should be encouraged to study the physical and mental and even delve into the hatted Spiritual side of Karate. We encourage discipline as juniors and forget to release the chains when they become seniors and have mastered the personal basics to the best of their physical ability.

We bog down students with baggage about what one master said was truth and don’t let them explore and find their own truths. We even fall into this hole ourselves and assume that everything on instructor says is truth while others is vile waste that has to be shucked off like a dirty lie! The truth is that one’s perception of a given subject can be viewed from many angles and the true master’s view the subject form as many as they can and present only what the student is ready to digest.

We have to remember to drop our baggage at the door and enter the Dojo light and ready to learn from our instructors, our peers and even our juniors. I watch the white belts for answers as much as I do my instructor because the truth of a single movement may be cast so quickly that only an open mind catches it and I have learned as much from a juniors question as I have from the instructors answers!

The act of making a mistake in Karate is natural, starting a Kata with the wrong techniques, or even saying one Katas name and starting with a different one. Also, making a mistake during drills is very common as well. The key is to not let the mistake weigh you down and force you to make more mistakes or freeze up. The fact is we will all hit that point that we make a boo boo and have to start over again at something, be it a drill or other Karate practice. The key is in dropping the baggage right then and their, take a deep breath and walk away from the baggage that can lead to more mistakes. Its actually a great metaphor for life!

The person that dwells on the mistake will make it again and again, or other mistakes that could have been avoided had they simply put down the mistake like a piece of baggage and just moved on. If you let it affect your whole training or even past the point of “Damn that was wrong” then you are letting a mistake so minor that no one will worry about it take control of the situation! Just let it go and move on, you cannot go back and change it and it will only make things worse if you don’t let it go completely.

My whole blog is something I learned from a Buddhist story about two monks that illustrate this situation completely:

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. As their was not boatman to help the young lady cross the river in her fine clothing the young woman asked if they could help her.

The senior monk picked up the young lady and sat her on his shoulders to cross the river, her light traveling gown the only barrier between her and the monk. The older monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing.

They both were walking along distance, through vallys filled with fruit trees and up hills that has views of beautiful country. They walked for some time in silence while the senior monk took in all the beauty of the country and he enjoyed the views that the most beautiful parts of the country had to offer. Finally the senior monk noticed that his junior was deathly silent and enquired “Is something the matter, you seem very upset?”

The junior monk replied, “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The senior monk replied, “I left the woman a long time ago at the bank, however, you seem to be carrying her still.”


In the story not only did the junior monk not let go of the baggage that had captivated him for so long, he also missed out on the beauty of the scenery for the whole trip! He learned nothing past his anger and thoughts that the senior had done something wrong and could not see past that.

I am not perfect, I have my own obsessions but when something bugs me I wait and see if the next day I am able to put down that baggage and move on, if not I deal with it as best I can and still try to move past it.

Just a suggestion…but baggage should be for travelling only! Drop yours and move on!