Coming of age as an instructor.

 

Growing up in Karate I never dreamt that I would teach this great art one day. I was so nervous the first few times I was asked to teach Karate and that feeling lasted for years every time my instructor asked me to take juniors aside or to take the class for him or even just do a demonstration. I did not feel comfortable teaching and I never felt comfortable teaching in front of my instructor. To me Dingman Sensei was the best instructor I had ever trained under and he turned out great instructors like Terry Proctor and Jarvis Kohut who both cared and had the skills to teach and help students grow. My skills were “developing” but nothing close to these giants.

                I remember when I started in Karate there was a lot of different expectations on students. Not only did you bust your butt to learn and just to workout towards demonstration of good Karate but the end result or the focus was always on just performing. Now everyone wants a reward, a new rank or something, to reward them for good work outs. Our rewards…harder classes.

One of the other major changes is the warm up. It was expected that you show up before class and do your own warm up. You kind of built your warm ups around what you needed. Generally, we did a lot of bouncy things, some stretching and of course Kumite drills or just movement drills. Most of the instructors who came into the city did get a senior to warm up the classes, when asked it was because of the lack of floor space to warm up between classes….but Sensei Dingman told me that the seniors who came in normally used this to kill time and talk to Sensei about those testing so they could keep an eye on us as well as burn off some of the time that they were to use to teach (often showing up with specialty classes that were designed to be 45 minutes long and having to teach a full hour….this was by design as they often would get side tracked and use the full hour….but just in case add a warm up to burn off time).

To say we never did warm ups would be….inaccurate, but it was rare and normally short. Sensei and other instructor normally built their training up from just very basic work to a high point or Karate Crescendo! Then he would take us back down again and we would rest up a bit before going back at it again. Dingman Sensei once told me that all that fancy YOGA stretching done before class is a waste and we should be doing that on our own after class. It would take me years to confirm this was “Science” and not just Dingman Sensei’s way of doing things. I remember Yaguchi Sensei coming in and the warm up better be less than 5 minutes and all about getting us moving or he just interject and start teaching.

So, I had established in my own training to show up before class and get ready for working out by doing my own prep work and my own warm up so I would not waste any of my instructors teaching time, every single class I had “aha” moments and taking extra time to stretch out when I could be finding those light bulb going off was a waste of my time! And yes…I am getting to the point.

Over time I began following Dingman Sensei around more and more and learning more and more, but I was still kind of shy when it came to training. I was a young man who was in fairly good shape and worked hard in class, but I was by no means a Karate team member who put hours and hours into training for tournaments, and as I found out later Dingman Sensei said that was by design. I was however kind of nervous when asked to teach and scared I would let Sensei down, hurt someone or get in trouble for something I said or did while representing Dingman Sensei. I would on occasion be given a full class to teach (After getting my Shodan) and have to step in and teach a full class for Dingman Sensei or his son.

On those occasions I strived to teach how I was taught, to give the students a taste of the old training. Our training had softened a bit over the years and Dingman Sensei told me it was a necessity but not to change my personal training at all, and to teach how I liked…..So I did. I became very “militant” in my approach, barking orders…being super serious…and sticking to the old way…so no warm ups.  However, I would still get stomach pain before teaching and then fret over what I taught for two or three days, wondering if I lived up to my instructor’s expectations and if any of it was going to bite me in the butt when I saw Sensei again next. I was strict but unsure of myself and a few times while teaching I would see a student or senior students face with a look like “Really” and I would melt inside.

As time went on this trend of questioning myself continued, I taught good classes, each of them designed to melt someone from the inside out and cause great pain the next day! I was brutal and the classes were made up of the harshest training I could find in my notes and library. I tried everything that was hard on myself first of course but I knew my classes were challenging for anyone, if not technically perfect. I abandoned the new idea of doing a warm up with Sensei’s blessing and started class off easy, then went full blast with combos, exercises and repetitions, and the only rest was when I was giving the students the new drills to do and instructing them…other than that it was 98% balls to the wall after a brief and progressive start.

After some time I began trying to dig deep and teach technically more interesting classes and dig deeper into the fundamentals. Sensei guided me to be less about the great work outs and more about the technical guidance, but still be tough and once and a while do a butt kicker. It was around the time I was beginning to tone down the insanity that the event occurred that showed me that I was beginning to respect my own teaching and accept that I was not a horrible stand in for Sensei. I had taught under some of the best and I still felt up to that point that I was learning, I was still shaky and if confronted, questioned or even ignored I shrank!

On day I was going to Taylor Dojo and Sensei called me and said he had to go out of town and asked if I could take his class. I was more than happy to jump on the chance to teach for him, taking my normal stance that I was going to offer the students a good solid and challenging class, and this day I had a visitor from a different organization I had met online coming to take a class, little did they know it would be me teaching!

At the start of class I noticed that we had a lot of brown belts from all over, at least 10 from different clubs including Sensei Sons Dojo and down town as well as my friend (who was a Shodan) and a few other black belts. Most of the class was higher ranking so I immediately started thinking of being a bit less technical and pushing the kumite as much as I could. We warmed up with some basics in a standing position and then moving, then we did some drills and Kata and at about the half way point we broke into Kumite, three step, then one step, then semi free and finally some drills to really push the pace, it was not an ass kicker but it sure was hard. Everyone was soaked to the bone and dragging themselves off the floor. I was elated and loved teaching and training hard, that light feeling you get when all your energy is sapped away. You just want to nap but you also have clarity and feel light as a cloud…but that’s when it happened.

Just as I was getting ready to leave and finished talking to a few of the other seniors on the floor I was approached and, the only way to put this, cornered by one of Sensei Sons senior brown belts. At first I thought he was going to thank me like the others had for a hard class, then I realized by the look on his face that he was not as happy as I first figured he would be. In fact he looked livid once I put my full attention on his face. He gently asked to speak with me but his eyes were shooting daggers at me and I did not want to have any kind of confrontation in front of the other students and ushered him off the floor into a small training area that the facility had for kids gymnastics.

His name was Jim and he was a good foot taller than me and a few decades older. He was a big-ish guy who had long arms and a rough face but his karate was stiff and he was slow on his feet but the kind of guy who wore his chip firmly on his shoulder in class wanting to prove his worth and his Machismo against others. He was sort of a “Dorky bully” as Sensei Dingman called him, he pushed around smaller people and ladies a lot in class and felt because he wanted to prove his dominance and he was friendly with the instructor (his instructor) enough that he had that kind of space to do so.

Jim started off right away complaining about my class by saying “I am not one to complain but…” that’s a clear sign you are about to complain and I find it practiced enough of an intro that I see through it as an excuse to complain and still try and look like someone that does not complain. Little did I know that later Sensei AND his instructor would tell me that Jim was difficult and liked to bitch about everything.

Jim was still dripping and his red face was a sign of a great work out, but he was also upset with the effort he had to put in, that’s not what he said however, but I noted that several times in class he would take breaks I did not call for and he would take his foot off the gas and go slow when partners challenged him. He did this when attacking so he had some control of pace and then wore a grimace when chased and forced to defend himself. But Jim was them to complain and put the young instructor in his place. He leaned against a pile of folded mats, but still stool a good head and a half above my head. He leaned in and I could feel the anger on his warm breath (Okay I couldn’t but that just sounds crazy dramatic) and he spoke in hushed tones (this part is true he was sort of whispering).

Jim first broached his issue with my teaching by complaining about how I did not do the classes the way he was used to. I stook with my Karate gear in my hands wanting to go and change to get home for a shower, but felt it was important to let him finish his thought. Honestly, I did not want to offend him but the way he was approaching this conversation was very uncomfortable and I just wanted out of their. He continued on saying how he did not feel the value in attending classes taught by Juniors (rich seeing as he was a 3^rd kyu and I was a Shodan) and how he would have liked to have know about the change in instructors earlier so he could have made a decision to not attend. He added for emphasis that he felt my class was perhaps “unsafe, harsh and not of benefit to him” he added as emphasise his displeasure with the work out.

Now at this point its important to note that I had taken a lot of sports training courses in school (university level), had been training in Karate for about 25 years or so and honestly did not think his argument held any water. I was now starting to boil at a low level inside.  Also, keep in mind that most of the people who had attended, including my visitor from another club, had just congratulated me and were fine with the hard work out, in fact some said they loved it…and I am assuming they were not just padding  my ego as they genuinely seemed happy and smiled all the way to the change room.

I stood silent for a minute or two before uttering, quietly as I was partially still in shock over his affront and break in protocol and partially seething at it, that I had simply repeated the class content that Sensei had taught at lunch that very day.  And it was fine by Dingman Sensei, so it is not something I wanted to get into. I thought for a quick second and asked him what exactly he did not like about the class.  But by this point he had read me and knew I was not as confident as I should have been and he tried to pounce by making himself bigger, raising his voice and starting to use large, sweeping hand movements when complaining.  Almost shouting he said “we always do warm ups before class and some of us need them to make sure we don’t get hurt”. He was adamant and went on with “You know by not doing one if we get hurt its your fault, that’s dangerous and you should not teach again!”. 

At that point I lost my self doubt, my Welsh blood was now on full boil and any sense of holding back to save face was gone. I looked him right in the eyes and shot back at him in such a cold and even voice that he knew he had pushed his hissy fit past the point it was allowed, he had broken several rules of etiquette and common sense and was now in hot water. He knew just by my look that this was now far to much. You can have concerns but to act like a child and act out to a senior was to sign your own exit papers. His total lack of proper personal control and his attack was not something I could let slip by, even if I had started the conversation off apologetically any sign of me being “nice” to him was gone, and any concern for not pissing him off were long gone.

I balled up my fists at this point and glared at him. I told him that we never use to do warm ups and take time out of class that we could be working out in to warm up. I think it probably came out “I don’t waste my time with long Yoga warm ups, its not the way we did it and not the way I do it, don’t waste my time asking to stretch out when you SHOULD be doing that on your own time. I get here early and warm up on my own, you should do the same if you need extra time”.  I could see he wanted to shoot back with something but I stopped him by shifting towards him and raising my hand to continue.

“Black belts adapt to training with a variety of people, they maintain growth this way, they seek out new challenges and they try and grow as a person this way, They take what works for them by adapting it into their current training programs and they make sure if they need extra time to warm up or work on things they get to class early to do so”…..” If you ever want to be a black belt you have to stop thinking like a junior”. I was mad but still trying to make this a teachable moment….After all I was still the assistant instructor and he was just a junior learning Karate…

He did not exactly take this the way I wanted and you could see him seething again inside, he stood up with his full height over me. Now the training area was clear of students and it was just Jim and myself. His face went from red from the work out to purple from the anger that was welling up in him. I realized I needed to defuse this or it would escalate out of control and honestly I did not know Jim that well and a war of words and hurt feelings was excusable by Sensei Dingman but I knew a physical altercation would not keep me in his good graces.

A physical fight would be the result of the current path we were on so I had to turn this boat around and figure out a better way, but I was not going to agree with him or change anything at that point. I reached into my pocket and grabbed a rectangular piece of paper in my jacket pocket with out taking my eyes off of Jim. As I took it out I raised my hand to give it to him, he did not reach out for it however. “this is my business card, it has my cell number on it and I tell you what, if you are ever going to come and take a class here you can call me and I will let you know if I am teaching or if Sensei is teaching. How does that sound?”. My offer was a poke at him, I was giving him an out but not backing down. I figured this was the best route to take in this case.

He grabbed the card and turned to grab his street clothing and bag, I was already half way down the hall way when he turned back. I changed out and got in my car. The further away I got from the situation the more mad I got and the more it ran through my head the more upset I got not just at Jim, but how I had first felt when he attacked me over my teaching. The complete lack of etiquette was one thing, but I should have immediately told him that their was a proper way to talk to seniors or even other people in general and he was not winning any personality contests with his approach.

A day later and much calmer I sat with Sensei having our daily coffee break after the noon class and I brought up the incident with Sensei to not only inform him of the issue but also to get his input into how I did or what I should have done to avoid that situation again.  As we sat in the local Tim Hortons drinking our coffee I gave Sensei my side of the situation and tried to be as matter of fact as I could be, even saying “you know Jim is stiff as hell and probably should stretch more before class”, so sort of a back handed admission that he needs the time to stretch, but adding not on my time.

Sensei’s reply was perfect. Apparently, Jim had gone home stewing and seething and called his instructor to compline (Sensei’s son), who then called Sensei. Sensei said “Yah, Brian had called me, you know Jim is a big baby….he I an old man in a middle aged mans body who cant stop acting like a baby”, “ I checked with a few others who had trained and they liked the class, the old school hard class was a hit, but you need to remember you can not make everyone happy and you will have those that want their work outs to be patty cake and they don’t want to get their expensive Gi wet…..ignore them…actually push them harder…they may grow and learn and you have converted them to a black belt mentality, or they drop out and go train in an easy club…you win both ways”. “ you stood up for yourself and you did the right thing, you did not fight with him and you may not have gained anything other than the understanding that some people’s opinions are important but only yours should be the one you worry about.”

 

Years later I reflected on this incident, as I always tend to do, and I knew it was that minute that I found my voice. Prior to that I worried about everything everyone thought, Now my opinions on what I am doing and teaching are the more important ones. I also learned that its okay to stand up for yourself against those that are older or those that may have authority you don’t have, you should never feel scared of losing a student who is not willing to learn and grow as well. I also look back and realize how much Dingman Sensei taught me about Karate but more so about myself and things other than Karate related.

How I reacted at that moment has made me a better instructor and helped me build off of my own learning and more importantly that I don’t know everything and should continue to learn, but have faith and confidence in myself in what I know and do. This was a coming of age for me as an instructor.