As a long-term martial artist I can tell you that the first thing we are taught as students is not just the kicky and punchy things, its to bow and show respect. Respect becomes a core principle of Karate and its training, not just because its polite but because it has to start to premiate every aspect of training. Without respect we would not listen to our Sensei or pay them the proper respect for their hard work, and more importantly we would not respect our partners, and it would turn into a fist fight every time Sensei calls for us to do Kumite. However this respect, for some reason, tends to start and end at the Dojo door for some.
One
of the lost skills I have noted over the last few decades is the art of
Conversation. I am not talking about the demise of boys talking to girls, which
also apparently is a thing, but the art of talking to your neighbor or fellow
adult about almost anything. You can not even say “nice weather” with out an
argument coming up, so its often best to just say nothing at all. Years ago, pre-Trump,
I would purposefully hunt out people with opposite opinions than me and talk to
them about their thoughts on politics ext. Now I have a plethora of people to
talk to as I live in a strange province in Canada that is polarized to the tenth
degree from other places. See we bounce from Canadian left to Canadian right
politically and the centralists like myself (Liberals in Canada) tend to not
run anything, in fact the logical center as I call us, tend to be ignored and
have not held office in Manitoba yet. Period, I mean EVER!
Before
Trump I could sit with the lefties and the righties and chat about politics,
their thoughts on how the government was doing, who was in power and how they
were doing and most of the conversations were okay. We would talk about childcare,
health care, Gun control, the education system and other hot topics up to and
including religious topics and I found that I grew to understand others ideas
and opinions and respectfully agreed or disagreed and we moved on. Our chats
went from inquisitive chats to downright debates, but we always found common
ground or just agreed we were both good people and we just did not agree on
stuff. My opinions tend to be slightly
right sometimes and slightly left sometimes, I try and create a logical base
for my thoughts and if I can not then I push to figure out if Im just wrong or
if I have to find a harder base to my opinions.
I have always
say that in a respectful debate you have to present facts only , not emotional
based opinions. Now you can be emotional about the facts, but you cant go all
ad hominin on a person, in other words you can not go insulting or calling into
question a personas character or other aspect of who they are to try and “win”
a debate, the minute you start this you lost already. To this day if you call
me old, fat or ugly or stupid I thank you for your chat and let them know that
now I am done talking to you about this subject as you can’t substantiate
anything without it being an insult war. If you can not debate clearly and
honestly then you should not do it. Now, not everyone can debate, some of us
are not made for that. Recalling facts
and details while you are trying to keep your emotions in check is not everyone’s
strength, so at that point you just agree or not and move on. Debate and
conversation are very similar and important in growing and making yourself a
better person. Unfortunately, it’s a lost art and now, especially now, it is
often a two camp situation and if you are not in my camp…you are the enemy.
Debate time is over and it’s time to fight and not grow. Someone once called it
“Trump derangement syndrome” and I am starting to agree that people who are
trapped in one of the two camps, and this extends beyond Trump and his followers,
are actually showing a form of mental illness.
Now, not everything
is worth debating or arguing over. Any
married man knows that you can argue logic against your partner, and you can
argue emotion or opinion about things but often its just best to not argue or
debate. You figure it out after about two minutes that this is not a “fight”
anyone is going to win and you just figure its not worth the argument. Now somethings are worth the conversation,
but others are simply not. For instance, if you are fighting over buying a
couch, yah that one may be worth the chat and debate, but if your partner is
pro guns and you are anti guns, to the point that its one of the key
cornerstones of your belief system…you are probably not getting into a fight
that is going to lead to any outcomes worth the fight. You often have to find accommodation
to your belief and your parters belief, like you can keep a gun in the house,
in a safe with the ammo elsewhere or you can have it, but only for home defense
and the target range.
Religion, having
children and politics are perhaps the biggest fights you will have as a married
person, and they are huge! But, talking to friends and in some cases Karate students
or peers can often be filled with a lot of pit falls that you need to
avoid. Not everything is worth debating
as well. And the way you debate is
important as well. Respect is the primary
component of any good debate, but also go into it with a specific intent, how
you proceed after that is also important but most importantly don’t go into a
debate to argue alone, don’t become disrespectful if you see you are not “winning”
and most importantly…stop thinking you need to change your partners mind,
instead think you need to learn how to understand their stance better.
Now, in my dojo….post
Donald Trump…Politics have no place in my Dojo. Pro or anti, for or against….nope
Don’t really want to hear it. Now I will admit that I tend to break my own rule
and get caught up in uncomfortable chats, but most of the time its when I
totally agree with my partners not when we are sharing opposing views, but lately
I back away right away and crack a joke, even if its about DJT. Politics have
become the hot topic that religion and sexuality used to be. Now no one really
cares if you are gay, catholic or protestant or straight, they want to know if
you are right or left…and when you say NO or BOTH they get upset.
I once told a
very right leaning student that I was a centralist, and they challenged me by
saying that does not exist, you have to agree with the “logical right leaning
people” or you were a communist. To which I laughed and said “given those
choices…comrade…I pick left” you should never try and change the mind of a
centralist by simply telling them if you are not with them you are against them…stupid
argument to start with does not mean you will get a favorable outcome. Politics
have become omni present as well. You cannot go anyplace or talk to anyone that
is not highly political now a days.
My wife used to
ask me who our prime minster was, who was the president, are they doing a good job
and when I brought up the whole split Canadian government system and how its superior
to the states she rolled her eyes and asked me who the hell I was talking to
that brought up politics! Now, she literally comes into my office with “Did you
hear what XYZ did today” or “Im so proud to be in a country that has Wab Kinew
and Doug Ford” and when I try to tell her that she is comparing a right winger
and a left winger together she knows…and she is so on top of the trade issues
between Canada and the US as well as the issues with the war in Iran. When my
wife is tuned in about this stuff you know its important, but a lot of the info
that we are dealing with on a daily basis is not worth getting into fights
over.
Now politics have
soaked into everyday life and almost every corner of our mind is filled with
the new American political voices and the separations that its causing down
south and internationally, and a lot of the conversations people are having are
directly related to Trump and his representatives or his political moves. But
it has NO place in the Dojo. Most of the people I talk to about Trump and the
states are all on the same side, like 80% of my Canadian friends loath him and
everything he does, often just as a reflex with out real reason, but most of
the time with reason. The other 20% just
do not give a hoot about him, they just want this roller coaster to end. Online
however about 75% of my friends are anti Trump and about 25% are pro Trump.
Sometimes I like to talk to my pro trump friends and ask “why” to them a lot….like
a great deal of the time…but they often come back with talking points that make
no sense and make them sound very controlled by the MAGA groups. I do this
online or on the phone, but never in my Dojo…well never again.
Politics have NO
place in the Dojo, and Karate suffers when you let it seep in. Politics are now
one of those topics that are so hot button that if you bring them up and you
are very passionately opposed to the ideas that your partners in the Dojo have
it could lead to ill feelings for each other and a new issue has creeped up as
well. Before if you were a left leaning
member of a Dojo (Think Deep NDP thoughts) and you were sparring with a far
right ( PC) member, nothing was going to change, you know your partner has opposing
political views, but it meant NOTHING. Now people will actually spar and bring
up “oh, how do you like that….like the vote you guys lost” I swear to GOD I
overheard a conversation during Kumite that was like this. Which is one more
good reason to make students wear mouth guards during any and all kumite, can’t
debate with a mouth guard in your mouth!
The most
dangerous time for political discussions is before and after class, however. I
would normally talk to my students while doing pre class warmups and depending
on the time we may bring up what is going on in the world, and 99% of the time
it went to the political side, which I had to put a end too as we had some very
passionate students. To say that their were adversarial moments before class is
an underexaggerating to say the least. We had one very, very right wing student
who was actually Pro-Trump, could not stand the left…or center and tried to tell
everyone why they were simply wrong. She had the most closed mind I have ever
seen, but outside of her weird political views and her strange views on things
like COVID and the vaccine she was a very nice lady, which is why it was so sad
that I got weakly complaints about her. She would come out to class on Thursday
and Saturday and by Sunday my inbox was going crazy with complaints.
I am not going
to say that this was all her fault in the beginning. I do take some responsibility
for opening stating my political thoughts as a centralist, and I openly explored
my thoughts and stances on different political stances, but the worst were the
people who complained early on about her. Those that were more left in the Dojo
took offense at her stances and often complained to me via email to the point
that I had to start to curtail political chat in the Dojo. It was at a time that
most of this was new to society, before this era it was considered rather rude
to bring up politics in the club, if you had an opposing view, you just did not
talk about it, you were there after all for Karate, not a civics debate.
After some time
I had to put my foot down and state that politics should not be a topic in the
Dojo, it leads to otherwise nice people becoming caustic and aggressive and hurt
feelings, I should have said on both sides because my right leaning student got
stuck on that and said that it was because the other students were snowflakes,
and to a degree she was right, but she failed to see that she too was overly
reactionary and took everything to heart. I started to not bring up Politics,
even in my private life and I found that before Trumps second run, I was much happier
not talking about it. Turns out Politics should be left to the politicians for
the most part and open debates lead to NOTHING but anger and stupid insults.
One of the key
fundamentals in running a successful Dojo is to have all the students training
in the same direction, on the same page or simply in Harmony. Adding political pressure and emotion to the
mix never works. When you step into the Dojo and put on your Keiko Gi and Obi
you are single mindedly focused on development of skill, decompression for stress
relief and creating a stronger, healthier body and mind….trust me when I say
its better to learn to agree to disagree or leave it outside the Dojo when it
comes to your beliefs and your opinions no things not Karate.
I have had to
referee several conversations and several situations in the Dojo and when it
got political, I had to actually separate people physically from each other.
And the arguments lead to other silly situations that should have easily been
avoided. One student got very upset when they got hit in the head (Forehead) by
a punch from a partner and came to me to complain stating it was because the
other person hated her thoughts as she is conservative and he is a lefty
socialist. My reply to her was that “The mechanics of a poor block do not care
if the person attacking you is a socialist, communist or right winger, learn to
block no matter what doctrine your partner follows”….I started to loath
Politics at this point. I also had a left leaning student refuse to spar with
our right leaning student and I had to explain to them that there is a need in
Karate to train with people of all kinds of back grounds and them showing intolerance
made them worse than the other person simply because you don’t agree with them
on political ideologies.
Not everyone
thinks the same way! Duh! I was told
this by a person that was losing the argument we were having terribly, but I
felt a lot of respect because the person did not go low and start calling me
names, I would not be shocked if they thought I was some kind of idiot for my
stance, but at least they were pleasant about it. That the key! Show respect
and don’t get worked up. Getting angry because
someone does not agree with you is silly. Today we see way to munch in the way
of reflexive direction changes, and people getting very angry with other people
who don’t agree with them. Anger that is misdirected and not controlled does a
lot of damage. The student who was on
the right used to be seen by the other students as a great person, someone who
was warm and caring and they loved sparring with her as she had a never give up
mentality, but her attitude and belief system caused a toxic rift between her
and others.
There is a
difference between hiding your beliefs and not sharing them. Or at least
picking when to share them. Oh, and we are not talking fringy ideas that cause
damage and concern amongst your friends and family, I mean things that are much
less caustic but still very aggressive. There is a time and a place to talk
about these, the Dojo is not one of them. Obviously not everyone thinks the
same things, or has the same opinions on different topics. I often laugh because
Maggie and I have different ideas on things all the time, mostly silly things
that don’t affect our relationship, but more so like I love pork chops and she
hates them….or she likes her coffee with cream and sweetener and I have only
one sweetener. We do tend to align politically but we try not to harp on it to
much.
Not everyone has
the same priorities, think the same way or have strong feelings about everything,
however in todays world people tend to manufacture opinions, emotions and
strong feelings for EVERYTHING and we all feel that our thoughts and opinions
NEED to be expressed, they don’t…and no one really cares about your feelings
about the Ectogenesis or the plight of the Vaquita Porpoise…..I had to look
both of those topics up by the way.
I think one of
the strangest conversations I have ever had was one on line when one of my very
left-learning friends brought up that DJT and the supreme court ended Roe v
Wade in 2022. They were aghast that I did not care to much about it, I have to
admit that it’s A) Because I am not American and B) our reproductive rights in
Canada are fairly firm…and C) I am an old man with no uterus and no child to
worry about their reproductive rights. Now, my left-leaning friend was quick to
point out that it’s not that I don’t care but that I have not really thought
about it, which was wrong. She assumed if I was being honest with her, I would side
with her or I was an idiot that did not agree with her. I had to point out that
I did think about it a bit and when I realized that it does not affect me
personally or anyone I know…CUZ IM CANADIAN…and she was trying to force me to
take a side..she got even more offended…because we all need to be on a side.
No, we do not. Not everyone has the same thoughts, feelings and opinions, its
one of our strengths as a society that we all have a different stance, different
focus and different skills…its not a weakness.
Here is another ideology
I tend to live by, not everyone is always right or wrong. Not everyone that you
trust and respect is right all the time, and not everyone you hate and or disagree
with is wrong all the time. One of my favorite people in history was Gandhi, he
of course was a historical figure who was widely viewed as a good leader of his
people, a moral compace that taught the world about peace and love. Yet, he
also had some very questionable if not disagreeable stances and habits that
modern critics consider harmful or even just wrong. Yes, he was into
non-violent resistance, but he also was a racist. He wrote a lot of negative
things about Black Africans that were extreme and racist, he also was a bit of
a pedo, he experimented with chastity and to test himself he slept next to his
grand niece to test himself. We also now that bad people do good things
too. Oskar Schindler was the subject of
a famous movie, he was a Nazi profiteer who also managed to save 1200 Jews from
the gas chamber. Al Capone was a mobster and murderer who sold illegal booze
and killed people to profit, but he also fed the hungry and supported Chicago
during an economic hard time.
Based on these extremes
you can not look at any one person and just hate them and “all they believe in”
simply because of their stance you don’t agree with. I am NOT saying let the
Nazi and the criminal off the hook or make anyone that does good things a untouchable
in your mind. Those are extreme examples. Your friend who believes in gun rights
is not evil because you are a gun control advocate or the fact that your friend
feels that a woman’s body is their own to decide on is evil because you are pro-life.
No, what it means is that just because you hold different stances on something
does not change who they are other than that one subject.
One of the lost
skills our grandparents had is the art of sitting outside your opinions when
your input wont help or is not warranted/needed. In the old days we used to view opinionated
people as annoying and silly people who should themselves be ridiculed. It was
rude to give your thoughts to someone randomly or to voice your thoughts without
being asked. I remember a TV show called little house on the prairie and one of
the characters was a store owner who was a busy body who supplied anyone who
would listen with her thoughts on any subject, she gossiped about people
inserting her own thoughts into the situation at will. She was the bad guy on
that show, often being made fun of after she made someone’s life difficult. She
was “put up with” but never really liked. She was in a position where people
had to come to her and buy important goods, but everyone knew who she was and
that she would give her thoughts to anyone that listened, and they were often
negative about anything and anyone. One time she was picking apart the
politicians of the time and people rolled their eyes, she was an outlier and
her behavior was unusual. Now her type
of person is the norm not the exception.
The fine are of
sitting outside your opinion is when you see something or hear something and
KEEP YOUR OPINION TO YOUR SELF! Its easy, someone says they support Trump or
Carney or Ford and you simply say “That’s nice” and change the subject. Or if
they say “I am pro-life” say “That’s nice” and move along. I don’t get why
everyone has to share their thoughts and opinions as well. I have had
conversations in which I have greeted someone knew and in ten minutes of
meeting them they have stated 3 political stances they have made. We used to
make fun of Vegans as they tended to tell us their food/lifestyle preference
upon greeting them, but now it seems this is the norm for everyone. I ran a
meet and greet at the club once and a student came up to me and told me that
they were a school teacher who supported children’s right to decide their own
gender and they were a “new vision” teacher….still don’t know what that means
as I went blank on the gender thing. She then asked me my thoughts on children’s
gender and I said “Oh, nice talk to you in a bit” and left the situation. Which
was Rought with booby traps. I also had
a situation in which a friend of mine was talking to another friend of mine who
is indigenous and started to lecture the indigenous person on their rights and
historical hardships. I had to drag my friend away as smoothly as possible before
that got ugly.
Social media is
filled with ideology, peddling and manufactured anger towards topics that don’t
have anything to do with the person. We want to show that we are all on what we
see is the right side of a topic and that we are morally superior to those that
don’t hold the same ideas. Our moral compass is replaced with dog whistle
topics and vertu signaling to prove we are better. We are also rolling over
history to try and replace what actually happened and replace the true history
with change, which does not work…what do I mean? Well locally we have changed
names of streets and roads because the name of the person some how makes us
uncomfortable, and we flip the opposite using names to replace the roads that will
somehow make us better…but it does not, or they start moral grandstanding to
try and boost their personal status or make others feel that they are doing
something.
A lot of
performative actions are also done to try and look like they hare on a moral
high ground, when nothing they are doing is changing anything. Rallies are good
for making people aware of situations, but some are just them to make the
people involved in the rally feel better about themselves. We live in a culture
of outrage, if you say the sky is blue you are in for a fight, water is wet…boy
you better get ready for a fight….and everyone is 0-100 in seconds when it comes
to be offended and if you are not 110% pure on their side then you are 100%
against them. You can think that Gaza is a war crime, but that automatically
makes you Anti Semetic. You can support the state of Israels right to defend
themselves but now you are anti Muslim. No one is willing to keep a thought in
their head without it falling out their mouth!
Part of the
issue with sharing your thoughts and stances is that we do live in a reactive
culture now, we get offended so quickly and we don’t just share our displeasure,
we vent our outrage. This is now seen not only as acceptable but also as a
right or a character trait that is accepted and viewed as a good thing. When I
was first getting into talking about politics, we had a word for someone who
got offended and vented their feelings all over the situation…snowflake.
So, what does
this all mean to a Dojo. Well if you choose to be offended and voice your
thoughts, to over share about politics and proselytize (look it up) in class or
engage in not just conversation but arguments with your fellow students…well
you may get fired as a student.
The student in
question began talking just to me and debating the right vs the center/left,
which was sort of safe because I knew what I was getting into, but then she
started expanding her topics and begin talking about right wing conspiracy theories
and trying to recruit others, or just talk about her thoughts with other
students. When COVID came around she had already created a lot of ill will with
some of the adult students who did not really like her stance on the vaccine
and COVID in general, we had a break for a year or so when we were doing Karate
online only, but then when we came back she did not want to wear a mask, was
preaching herd immunity and pushing others to not wear a mask or get the
vaccine. She was spewing toxic ideology to anyone who would listen, and now it
was not just me getting complaints about her support of the right to the
adults, but parents saying she was dangerous and they did not feel comfortable
with her around their kids.
I sat down with
her and talked to her but she came back with “its my right to voice my opinions”
to I tried to tell her that she does have the right to her own opinion, but she
is an adult and should show tact in when its voiced and to whom. She disagreed
and told me that she can say her thoughts and spread her information to anyone
she pleased. I had to put my food down and informed her that the Dojo is not a democracy
despite her thoughts, it’s a dictatorship and a company or business, if she chooses
to tell everyone her thoughts, well I would have to ask her to not and to just
train. She was good for a week then a parent reached out and told me she was
now cornering them in the parking lot to complain about them saying something, ironically,
she missed her mark and complained to the wrong family.
I called her up
on a Sunday and told her that her behavior is what was at question now, not her
beliefs. And she was to find a new Dojo now. I had to fire my first student in
my life time…
Well, after all
that…what is the moral of the story. Learn to agree or learn to disagree with
respect. Its not worth your frustration over people not sharing or caring about
your position. Even today most people are not very political, but a lot are
reactionary, if you go out of your way to share your thoughts, they will react…positive
or not. As a martial artist we must seek peace, but more so we have to learn to
avoid conflict.