Respect: not really a two way street!

Far to often in Karate we hear the word Respect bantered about and often as a way of scolding others. The ironic part is that most of the time the person throwing the word around has no idea what the word actually means! Nor do they understand that you can’t request respect anymore than you can demand it! It is simply something that is given when it is earned and when the giver feels respect for you.

Respect is a concept or feeling of esteem that one feels for another person, it is not a textile that can be ordered or a tangible item that one can demand. It is a emotion that one has towards a person, organization or entity that is felt and not created on a conscious level. It has different levels or qualities, like “I have great respect” or “ I have limited respect”. The level of respect and the actual feeling of respect can be directed at a person’s skills or actions but maybe not at the person…such as “I have great respect for that persons Judgment, but not for that person”. Giving someone respect is a way of honoring someone or a person’s skills or actions, but it may not be specifically for that person in general.

Respect is very important and fundamental in the culture of Karate. We talk a lot about respecting others and respect for the instructor and fellow students, but often it is more about asking you to give respect opposed to earning respect, Kind of putting the cart before the horse really. In order to really understand respect one must look at how one earns respect and what respect is.

First off Respect should never be confused with Tolerance or fear, which one can demand or force on others, and to be frank, in Martial arts this is much more common than a person actually respecting instructors. Fear is NEVER what you want to foster in a Club, fear leads to contempt in the end an danger in the club as well. It is the opposite of respect and a club that is founded on contempt and fear will fall apart!. We, as instructors, don’t….. or shouldn’t, demand respect without first giving respect to others.

Gaining respect is not easy, especially after having lost it. One must work to give respect to others, treat them fairly and go out of their way to do their best for them in order to earn some respect. But most importantly they must GIVE respect in order to earn it. Some instructors feel that simply teaching a student Martial skills means that they have earned respect, and they get upset when students don’t cower and pay homage to them. I have seen far to often when instructors march up and down a Dojo floor barking orders and delivering a class to students that resemble a military training drill, then yelp at students about how they need to respect them. There is no relationship in this and the instructors are actually losing respect and don’t realize it.

So, respect is the thing you give and don’t expect to receive! Its that intangible thing that is given because one feels that you deserve it, its cannot be demanded but it can be earned, it should never be confused with fear or tolerance and it can be lost easier than earned….but how do we actually teach it? By demonstrating it! By showing we care about a person and by keeping their feelings in mind at all times. I have seen instructors for years paying lip service to respect and then disrespecting their own students by not caring about their feelings or personal situations. They do things to the student that demonstrate a complete lack of respect, including demanding favors for positive grading, asking for excessive gifts and abusing their relationships outside the Dojo to gain some advantage.

In Karate we have the Dojo Kun; it is our guiding light in Training and how to act as Karate people. The second last line of the Dojo kun is “Respect others” not “Get respect from others”. It, in as simple a way as possible, describes one of the most important concepts of Respect that you can have. You cannot request or demand respect, you can only give it. If you earn respect from others that is fantastic! But you must first give it. You can demand Obedience and cause fear, but you can only give respect! That is the Karate way. That is the true spirit of Karate!